Back to School Angst

Stinky started Grade 7 today at a new school.  Poor kid. 

As I walked her there this morning, she worried incessantly about doing the wrong thing and making a fool of herself.  "What if they tell us to go and put everything in our lockers?" she said, "I get confused easily without direct instructions."

She certainly hit the nail on the head with that one.  She may be 12, but I still have to remind her to put shoes on before we leave the house. 

Then, she muttered under her breath, "Oh, I hope there's a short fat kid in my class."  You see, Stinky has an uncanny ability to see to the heart of the matter (even if it's not very politically correct), and I guess anyone that could take the heat off her being the new kid in school would be a welcome distraction today.

After I dropped her off, I watched her for a few minutes from behind some bushes, until I became aware that I probably looked like a child molester, and walked home.

I'm going to pick her up in a few minutes, and I hope her day went well.  I also hope there was a short fat kid....because at the end of the day, whatever new situation we're thrown into, isn't that what we all secretly wish for?

Take care,

Cause For Concern??

I just realized something rather disturbing.

The three men I find sexiest on television are Gordon Ramsey, Simon Cowell and Hugh Laurie.
In other words....
     -the obnoxious chef
     -the obnoxious judge
     -the obnoxious doctor

I detect a trend.

Now... you might be inclined to tell me that this is just a coincidence.  But it's not, and I think I can prove it.

I did not find Hugh Laurie in the least bit attractive when he played the father of an orphaned mouse in Stuart Little. 

Should I be concerned?

Tracey Knows For Sure - Things I'm Ungrateful For

I despise Oprah Winfrey, I really do.  I've had just about enough of her to last me a lifetime.  Today, while surfing the internet I came across this preachy article entitled Oprah Knows For Sure.

Here's an excerpt. 

What I know for sure is that every sunrise is like a new page, a chance to right ourselves and receive each day in all its glory. Each day is a wonder....No matter what our troubles, when the earth turns on its axis one more time and we see what appears to be the sun rising, I feel it's the universe calling for a change in ourselves. You have one more day. Rise with it!

Oh shut up Oprah - you know nothing. 

On that note, I've decided to write about the things I'm most ungrateful for.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm a pretty happy person almost all of the time, but a good bitch now and then is good for the soul.  Topping my list today is definitely my greatest genetic misfortune.

My Hair
I wish I was one of those people who could wake up in the morning looking tousled.  You know what I mean?  Jennifer Aniston probably looks tousled when she wakes up in the morning.  My daughter Stinky wakes up in the morning looking tousled.  These are the types of people who get up and (without even brushing) toss their hair into an unruly ponytail and look like a million bucks. 

This was me this morning.

Why do I look like this?  Not only does it look like someone punched me repeatedly in the face last night, but do you think I could really run a hand through this rat's nest, toss on jeans and a t-shirt and go out for brunch?  This is what I look like every morning.  Poor Baz.

And if that's not enough, I've been blessed with the thinnest hair imaginable.  It get this from my father, who was born with a comb over.  (Thanks for this gene, Dad.  Thank you so bloody much.)

When I got pregnant my hair came out by the handfuls.  The doctors assured me it would grow back.  That was 12 years ago, and I'm still waiting.  So, I've broken down, and now I use Nioxin. For you thick-haired people who don't know what that is, I despise you.  Nioxin's main customers are 40-something men with receding hairlines.  And me.  I usually take a large duffel bag when I buy it, so that I can stash it away and slink out of the salon without being noticed. 

My friends try to say comforting things to me.  They'll run their fingers through their hair and say,

"Wow, Tracey you are sooooo lucky! My hair is so thick I can't do a thing with it, and it takes hours to dry."

"Oh I'm sorry," I'll answer. "How unfortunate. I guess I should be happy, because unless I sprint from the shower to the hair dryer in the bedroom, my few strands of hair are already dry by the time I get there."

I want to slap them.

So, there you have it.  My first installment of things I'm ungrateful for.  I feel better already. 

Take care,

 

 

I'm Too Pretty to do Math (or too stupid)

(Over the last few days I've been closely following the mine disaster in Chile.  If you haven't heard much about it, here's a quick recap. Following a massive mine cave-in, thirty-three miners were trapped in a small "room" underground.  They were discovered to be alive after workers at the surface drilled through to them on day eighteen.  Now they have to get them out.  They are drilling a hole 60cm wide and 700 meters deep through incredibly hard rock as an escape passage for the miners. It's going to take months.)

Last night I had the most brilliant post idea.  Calculate the volume of rock Chilean workers will have to remove from the 700 meter long hole they're digging to rescue the miners.  Put it into a perspective that people can comprehend, and then maybe it will be easier to understand why this process is going to take so long.  Another blogger I follow compared the depth of the hole to the height of some famous buildings.  But I bet nobody's thought of my idea!

Excellent.  I get out my calculator.

1.  Calculate volume.  Easy.  I was working on volume with one of my students at work today.  I feel pretty confident.  I'm going to calculate it in cm (cubed).

• Pi * radius(squared) * height
• 3.14 * 60cm (squared) * 700meters
• 3.14*900cm*70000cm
• = 197820000cm(cubed)

Wow.  That's a lot of centimeters.  But it will be easier to convert it into something more substantial.  Like meters(cubed).  We all know there are 100 centimeters in a meter, so....

• 197820000/100 = 1978200m(cubed)

That's 1,978,200 meters (cubed).  No wonder it's going to take them so long to dig out that amount of rock.  It's insane - I can't even comprehend that amount.  I'm pretty excited now, because this is going to make a kick-ass post.  Maybe even CNN or the BBC will link to me. 

So, I go on to the internet to see if I can relate this amount to something.  I google "cubic meter facts" and come up with some startling information.

1. The volume of water that runs over Niagara Falls every minute is 168000 cubic meters.  It would take 11.7 minutes to equal the amount in cubic meters that these guys have to remove from the mine shaft. 

2. The interior volume of a Boeing 747 is 876 cubed meters.  A few quick calculations and here we go.  This is the equivalent in volume of 2258 Boeing 747's.  This story is getting better by the minute.

3. The Hoover Dam contains 3.4 million cubic meters of concrete.  The Hoover Dam!  These guys have to remove just over half that amount.

I'm really onto something here.  I wonder about these Chileans.  They must be some hard-working people.  Imagine the scope of a project like this - it boggles the mind.  Imagine shifting the equivalent of 2258 Boeing 747's in a month!  Hats off to them.

But then I have this slight inkling that something isn't quite right.  Almost 2 million cubic meters of rock is an awful lot to come out of a shaft that's 700 meters deep.  I'm quite confident in my math skills, but decide to double check before submitting my findings to CNN.

Did I say 100 centimeters in a meter?  Perhaps something wonky happens when you're dealing with cubic meters.  I'll check.  I google for a volume conversion chart. 

Shit.

I have to divide by 1000000 not 100.  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  Oh well, maybe the number is still impressive and all is not lost.

• 197820000/1000000 = (drum roll)  197.8 cubic meters.

What?!!!  198 cubic meters? I'm pretty sure I moved that amount of topsoil in my backyard last weekend.

Suddenly my dreams of being discovered by a major news network come crashing down.  The volume amounts to about 50 of these.
 
 

Super boring.  What's taking those guys so long?

Until next time...take care,

When Free Isn't Better

I like to think that free is always better.  But it isn't.  In fact that I think there are times when free might be really not that good at all.

As you know, I've been very thrifty lately, saving money where I can by buying from garage sales, second hand stores, Kijiji and even finding the odd gem in the dumpster.

But I do have my limits.  There is some truth to the saying "You get what you pay for," so on that note, here are three things NOT to buy second hand or get from the dumpster.

1.  Mattresses
If I didn't mind mattresses from the dumpster, I'd have a house full of them by now.  It seems to be the number one item found in back alleys or propped up against dilapitated garages.  In order to prove my point, I "drove" down a couple of back alleys on Google Street View.  It took me about 30 seconds to find this one.

Whether in a back alley or a thrift store, somehow the idea of sleeping on someone else's mattress doesn't appeal.  I mean, they tossed it out for a reason, right?  




Or how about this?

Hmmm.....now, I wonder if they're selling it because they bought a different sized bed, or because the smell of urine was too overwhelming?  Whatever, I'm not too keen on the idea of spending my nights with someone else's bodily fluids.

Given the option, I think I'd rather sleep on hot coals.

2.  Upholstered Furniture
I have to admit there have been times when I was tempted.  They often have some lovely old antique armchairs at the thrift store.  And if the price was right and I knew where it came from I might consider buying something upholstered.  But my fear here is bed bugs.   They're everywhere now.  Even in movie theatres.

The thought of bed bugs didn't used to bother me too much.  Not that I would have welcomed them into my home, but I really didn't think about it too much.  That's because they're so tiny.

I figured a bed bug would be about this big     *

But now they have these powerful microscopes and the media are trying to scare us with pictures of these larger-than-life insects. 

Pictures like this give me nightmares.  They look like something out of a 1950's B horror movie....Attack of the Giant Radioactive Bed Bugs.

No thank you. I think I'll pass.

3.  Bathing suits / Lingerie / Underwear
If someone else has worn it next to their skin, then I don't want to wear it next to mine. 

Say no more.

Take care,

Happy 90210 Day!

Break out the slouch socks, boat shoes and your stone-washed jeans, because today is the only day in our calendar that corresponds to everybody's favourite zip-code!  That's right.  It's Beverly Hills 90210 Day!

Personally, I can't think of a better way to remember September 2nd.  Who cares that The Great Fire of London started this day in 1666, or that this was the week that World War II started - I'd much rather reminisce about Brandon and Dylan and their rest of the oh-so-cool high school friends! 

Oh.  Wow.  They're not looking quite so cool as I remember.  What's with Brenda's jeans?  They're so high it almost eliminates the need for a bra.  And David's shirt.  I remember his style as colorful, but that's bit overboard.  Andrea's particularly disappointing.  I know she was the nerd, but all those shows had an obligatory nerd - and they were kind of cool beneath their coke bottle glasses and pocket protectors.  But there's nothing sexy about that spiral perm or the wall of bangs.

I really hope that the 80's and 90's were exceptionally poor decades for fashion.  I hope we've learned from our mistakes.  I hope that I don't look back on this decade and wonder what the hell I was thinking.  I mean look at this.  Just look at it.

That's me in the middle.  The year was 1985.  I'm standing next to the two guitarists from Glass Tiger.  I was 15 years old, and that day I felt HOT. 

But now I wonder if I should have in fact NOT wrapped those black beads around my neck quite so tightly.  Maybe I should have ironed my shirt.  And that sweater.  What was I thinking?  Was I cool in 1985 or was I poor example of mid-80's style.  I suppose I'll never know.

But feel free to comment, or share your own stories of the fashion horrors of days gone by.

Until then....take care,

Things You Should Never Pay Full Price For - Part III

Paint

This is a good one - mainly because paint is so incredibly expensive, especially if you want the good stuff.  The idea isn't mine however - I got this one from fellow Winnipegger Lenore Hume over at Lather. Write. Repeat.  I've been following her blog for a while now, and I'm very inspired by her upcycled furniture, which she offers for sale on Kijiji. 

You should really check out her stuff, it's beautiful - and some of it is painted using mistints.  I've seen these abandoned pots of paint at stores, but wasn't aware that they are available so cheaply.  You can read her post here.

Another way to get cheap paint (or even free) is to ask around and see if any of your friends know a painter.  Painters have to pay big bucks to dispose of their paint once they're finished with it, so many of them would be more than happy for you to take it off their hands.  That's how I painted my entire basement.  It didn't cost me a cent, and the color is beautiful.

I also think that getting paint by either of these methods will likely save my sanity.  Have you seen the names of some of these colors?  What color is Skipping School  for example?  How about Hamster?  Grandma's Refrigerator? Baby Turtle?  I get so hung up on the names that I can't concentrate on the colors.   And telling someone I just painted my kitchen Atomic Vomit Green doesn't quite have the ring to it that I'd like. 

By the way, the answers to the color name questions are turquoise, grey, yellow and brown.  And the Atomic Vomit color is a rather attractive pale green.

I think I'll stick with the mistints.

Take care,